Decisions and Life

So... You want to read more about this crazy lady nobody?

You've got to be just as crazy but here ye go:

Having a panic attack is quite similar to having a heart attack in how it makes the person physically feel. If you've ever experienced a heart attack then you have some idea as to what a panic attack feels like.

Off onto more of my usual rant now: Just because lots of people like me (including myself) do not have a job, you think that makes us lazy o.O WTF ASSHOLES?! Real-fucking-ly, serious-fucking-ly, honest-fucking-ly how about this: Judge not lest ye be judged! Who the fuck are you to judge someone you do not fucking know in any way?! You dunno me, you dunno anything about me, go fuck yourself and have a nice dementedly disturbing day! If you want to open your mind or already have an open mind then WOW! You are a rare person but I thank you for reading!

To continue... Do not get me wrong, I have a lot of respect for people in general but DAMN you all terrify the fuck outta me to be honest. No, it's not exactly anything you may have said or done, it's called AGORAPHOBIA. I dun do well around people in general, add more stress into that mix and BAM! Volatile situations can occur o.O    I am the type of person that when I'm panicking and such, it's best to leave me alone if you do not want a confrontation. I get verbally aggressive unfortunately. I'm pretty sure that shows here in me blog as well...

I know what you're thinking... Why am I not seeing a doctor and on medication since this is all due to a chemical imbalance? o.O

ANSWER: I WAS seeing a Doctor until they dropped me like a dead fly when I moved and then to make that wound hurt more... they no longer offer mental services to patients WITHOUT insurance... SO... While I was on medications I dun get those anymore and NOT BY CHOICE either! No Doctor means no meds that I NEED to be on to function for the most part, and I say this because while even on the medications I still had a lot of issues with the panic disorder and agoraphobia, but ye know what? I TRIED... Yeah that's right, I've tried and tried so MANY times to be independent and each time... I fell flat on me face and then some... Add DEPRESSION into that mix and tell me what ye got >.<

Now tell me this.... Do you know of ANY job where one does not HAVE to deal with PEOPLE or STRESS? o.O

Can't answer that honestly, can ye o.O Now do me this favor, tell that to the fucking JUDGE who deemed there are jobs out there exactly like that... mind you, I've been battling that fight for OVER 3 YEARS... That isn't counting all the years I wound up going undiagnosed and had no clue what the hell was wrong with me...

Now... Also keep in mind that there is NO CURE for what I have, add up the numbers and you will find that there are loads of us out there, many who do not have any kind of voice. We all just wind up slipping through the cracks of the system, forgotten and/or tossed aside like yesterday's trash... Most of us wind up being that homeless guy/gal that ya'll see on the streets running from other people that just happened to walk by....

Still wanna read more? o.O